It's not my age. It's not my husband. It IS my choices...

I had been a health focused person all my life.  Yet, there were several poor health behaviors that I couldn’t quite kick.  The worst of them was my tendency to binge eat and binge drink.  I was also extremely hooked on sugar, finding my cravings often impossible to control.    

In my 20s, I compensated for my binging and sugar consumption by exercising more after a “bingy” weekend or evening and by limiting my calories 4-5 days a week to allot for a few binges each week.  It worked well enough to keep my weight in control but inside my head, I was often going crazy with the desire to stuff myself silly or to eat a half a German chocolate cake in one sitting.  I was often bloated, my skin would break out after particularly bad weekends, and I always gained about 10 pounds on vacations when I would allow a total loss of control.    

In my 30s, I got busy with school and life and my poor choices got out-of-control.  Instead of four or five “great food days”, I began to binge eat and/or drink three, four, or even five days a week.  I slowly changed my beliefs to accommodate my expanding waist line and the discomfort I was feeling while exercising.  I told myself that I was over 30 now, which must explain all the weight gain (never mind 2am Taco Bell, right?).  I told myself that while being in graduate school, it was more important for me to focus on my research, writing, and my intellect when in reality it was probably more often a hangover that would keep me from working out in the mornings rather than my school work.  When my back started to hurt, I blamed my mattress.  When I ate three chocolate muffins in one sitting, I blamed my husband who had bought them.  When I started to get narcoleptic attacks on a weekly basis and felt completely worn out physically and mentally, I blamed my environment, society, and the stresses of life I thought I had to deal with. 

By the time my thyroid failed because of my crappy lifestyle, I told myself that my diagnosis explained my weight gain, rather than admitting that my thyroid had failed because of my lifestyle. 

At 34, I grabbed myself by the neck, faced reality, and started on my path to regaining my health and fitness.  It took me a year to lose the 40 pounds I had packed on and about two years for the major joint and body aches to be gone.  By year 3, I was ready to wean off the thyroid meds I had been on for about 4 years and it took over a year for me to slowly complete that process to be fully meds free.

In the process, I finally faced my sugar addiction, binge eating, and drinking behaviors.  I took baby steps to cutting back and then examined my attitudes and beliefs to learn a better way of life.  Instead of compensating for bad behaviors, I focused on healing and managing my thoughts to quit them.  I learned to say no before I would need to unbutton my pants and I learned how to avoid the social pressure to drink when going out.  I accepted that I was addicted to sugar and that I would probably need to say good bye to this friendly enemy that had been my comfort and source of pleasure for so long.  I began a process of changing my life from inside out by learning to THINK differently.

It has now been 8 years since I started on this path of healing, rather than controlling.  I feel better than ever before and at 43, I look forward to getting even stronger. My workouts are fun.  The healthy foods that I get to eat are tasty AND nutritious, and I have found ways to eat healthy even when I travel. Sugar and alcohol are no longer pulling me on a constant basis and I no longer need them to feel good or to hangout with people socially. No more yo-yo dieting after holidays or vacations, no more binging, no more drunk nights, no more body aches, and no more excuses!